School lunch (tacos)

By Nicolas Amselle

Mmmmm good.

Mmmmm good.

School lunches are notoriously terrible. From begging to trade with someone who packed at home to doing your best to gag down “casserole Surprise,” everyone knows how bad they are. But at least they have always been relatively basic; Nuggets, tater tots, sandwiches, mystery meat loaf, and other such things. But finally, the dastardly school could no longer limit itself to making typical American food taste bad. They had to ruin the food of other cultures too. Here have been a whole two times in my life that I have had Mexican food my family did not prepare that was irredeemably bad. The first was on a trip to New Mexico (Irony) and the second was at school. Amazing. Anyone who has ever been to a real restaurant (taco bell doesn’t count) can tell you how hard it is to mess up tacos. But, as a place of learning and research, the school found a way.

No Thanks.

No Thanks.

What the school considers a taco, by all means, looks like one. But to see why it was bad, we must dig deeper. That’s not a normal flour tortilla. Its whole wheat. And there is no salt or hot sauce to be found here. And cheese and beef alone constitute a taco only if you are under the age of eight. And sure, there was lettuce handy. And sour cream. But that’s it. You want olives, tomato, peppers, hot sauce, guac, rice, or any other ingredient. Bring it from home, because they don’t have that here. Oh boy. And it isn’t only tacos they feel the need to ruin. They have “nachos.” To the person who decided that nachos do not need cheese, I question your sanity. To those who enjoy nachos without cheese, I question your humanity.

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